Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
