You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
