her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
