the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
