I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
