i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
