okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
