His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
