Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize