Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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