if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
