help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
