there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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