guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
