I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
