Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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