Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
