Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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