My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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