FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
