office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
