I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize