Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
