She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
