Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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