But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
