when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
