No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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