ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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