...so i touched it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
