There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize