Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
