Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
