I CAN MOONWALK!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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