i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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