How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
