Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
