Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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