That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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