I cannot find my penis.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
