Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ttyl tear gas
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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