Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize