stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
