I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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