It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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