Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
