So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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