When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
