I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
