Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
