just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
