i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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