just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
