Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
