I wannas sexs uuuuu
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
