Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
