She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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