I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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