what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
