your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize