Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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