I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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