Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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