What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
