i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
