Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
