My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
