i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
wow bdsm is so cute
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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