how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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