Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize