I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
