my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
