I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
