I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
