That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
