If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
