she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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