you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
