Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize